Hello!! Omggg, I'm actually in class now but decided to blog instead since it's so boring! Shall post some of the pictures from SIN - LA! There's practically wayyy too many pictures taken by so many people anywhere and everywhere.. I've already lost track :/ Shall sort all of em' out when I'm free!!
Imperial Treasure before my flight with family, sharon and kianwee! (SUPER NICE)
So excited for takeoff!
Transit at Dubai~
LA!
First booze after we settled down at LA!
Disneyland!
Cinderella and Mini Cinderella~ Awww soo prettyyyy!!
Where's my prince?
The most breathtaking moments of my life :')
Starbucks to kickstart my day to Universal Studios~
First and only party at LA @ Drais (W Hotel)~
Pretty awesome night! ;)
Awesome brunch before we leave for Vegas~
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STAY TUNE FOR MY NEXT POST! That'd be VEGAS baby~! (hopefully soon lol) That's all for now~ till then :)
I'm leaving for US in 4 days time. In between, I've 2 assgs and 3 exams lined up for me. I wish I can blog longer but I'll do so when I have more time.
I've been thinking a lot lately about something and I just want to tell myself: I will never. Never.
Thank You. To every single one of you who encouraged me in any ways when I was at my lowest point. I'm all better now, and will keep going on to make the best out of everything I have now. I really needed those words of affirmation and support, so thank you :)
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I'm ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. :) Feels like I'm gonna live my life as though I'm about to draw beautiful things on a clean sheet of paper. It's a happy feeling; it's really good. By the way, 12 more days till I fly off to US! I'm experiencing like the craziest/busiest period of the semester.
Been crying very badly for the past 40 minutes and decided to channel my thoughts here.. I'm really tired. I hate my dad for being such a hardcore gambler and goddamn useless, for giving my mum and the whole family such a tough life. I know how hard it is for my mum to support this family, I know how much she wants to have a good rest. I really understand how hard it's been for her and I really wanna let her live a good life.. but mum, I do need some encouragement from you and I'm getting none. All I get now is the entire family burden on my shoulders and it's killing me. When I told you that after I start working I'll pay you back $xxxx amount of money I owe you for this Vegas trip, you went into the tiny details of how much I owe you in total. I was hurt. I guess no matter how old I am, I'd still feel like a child at times and I kind of needed you to tell me things like, "Don't worry" or "Take your time" or any simple form of encouragement instead of going into the dollars and cents part. I gave you my word that I will pay you back, you don't have to worry about it.. But I'm just really sad because I wished you'd supported me in some way or another. I voiced it out telling you I was on the verge of breaking down at the thought of everything. You "laughed" at me for feeling so stress even before entering the workplace; I went into my room and immediately burst into tears. I guess you've no idea how much pressure you're giving me? When you don't force me to do something, I would give you 200% and work fucking hard for this family. But now, I can't even see my future. I see nothing at all. I don't know where to head to. I don't know if I can do it or not.
I feel so alone in this journey and again, I fking hate my dad. I've never once felt any proper love from my dad. I don't feel like I have a dad; the kind of dad where he'd share stories to his children and teach them life lessons etc. I get bullshit right from the beginning. My mum got the bullshit first, then us. I can't remember anything from my childhood except for loansharks and his violence which is the biggest factor why I'm sooo fucking scared when people get violent.. And the reason why I cried like mad when that stupid male tutor screamed at me on the phone because I felt that childhood fear creeping in.. Things like that just makes me feel so fucked up. :(
That aside, all I wish now is that my mum could spare me a little and be more understanding towards me. I don't know how to say this because if I were to put myself in her shoes; compare my stress and what she had been through, I don't think I deserve to voice out anything.. almost like I'm meant to feel this pressure; only thing is I'm not dealing well with it at all and it's REALLY BAD (though I know I will be okay soon). Goodness, I'm feeling slightly better now after typing it all out but now that I think about it, it was really so terrible just now that the worst thought you can ever imagine flashed through my mind. FUCK YOU SHIRLEY for harbouring that thought. Sigh, I've never felt soo low in a long time. Okay okay, time to pick myself up. This is also something that I learn and told myself; IFF I ever have any children next time, I hope I am able to establish some form of effective communication with them to know what they're feeling and give them the love or support they need when needed. Alright, shall head to bed now. Goodnight.
P/S: Please have some faith in me, support me a little, and you'll see that unstoppable fire inside me that'd make me do anything and everything just for you.
P/S: Decided to remove the initial video and this is the edited one hahaha. I really wanna try vlogging for US so I'm gonna jiayou! Let's see how it goes..! At least I mustered some courage and took the first step to try eh haha. Go go go~
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No one's born to be good at something (except for some special cases); well, it all takes practice. Basically, I love trying and exploring new things so yes, this is my FIRST ever "vlog" and I totally get it that I sound weird/awkward/different/LIKE BARBERELLA but cuteee (quote from Pam) here hahahaha fk. Honestly, I WAS NERVOUS and I don't know whyyy?? Video-shy perhaps? As you know, I don't talk much in any of my previous videos~ Lol. I knew it's gonna be a different thing as compared to making song covers but yah, decided to try since I've never done it before. Kinda already expected it to turn out weird but like what Shux said, IT HAPPENS. Lol.. Well, I've to start somewhere first before I can improve right?? Haha so yeah I supposed after sometime it'll all get better once I'm more comfortable~ Hopefully by then I can vlog (naturally) for my US trip! So be kind and pardon my tone for this time round okay? Lol :)
Anyways, I really can't wait to fly off~ Am gonna dump all the negative stuffs aside and be thankful for all the other great things in my life! Happy or sad is a choice and I've made mine :) Alrightey, till the next post!
